a new low

Too often my inbox receives emails that are just too funny not to share. The following would be one of them. I've known Houston Estes for forever and saying he is funny is a understatement. He is downright hysterical. I got permission to share the following email that he sent me a few weeks ago...even if you don't know him, I think you'll enjoy this bit of hilarity.

Just a few moments ago, I suffered a tough blow to my ego.

Many/most of your know about a recent very bad date I had. Basically, it was the worst experience of my life. I picked her up at her house. She lived in a double-wide. She met me at the front door and wouldn't let me come in because "the place is a mess". We went to eat dinner - all alone. Literally. We were the only two people in the restaurant at 7:30. I ordered a filet and a house salad. The salad came dressed with red-onions. The mere fact that I would allow a red onion on my plate sent this young lady into a frenzy. She did nothing but tell me how gross she finds red onion to be. Following dinner, I thought to myself, "Let's start all over with dessert/coffee/whatever". We drive around for 30 minutes in her tiny little town and everything but Sonic is closed. We pull up and I order. I ask her what she wants - she says, "nothing, I'm fine." I get mine to go. I dropped her off and drove back home with tears in my eyes.

Well, several weeks ago, I received a call from her best friend. I didn't know the number but I answered anyway. The friend asks me why I never called this girl for a second date. She promised not to tell her if I gave the real reason. Yeah right. I came up with a nice way of saying, "thanks, but no thanks". Never heard from either again.

Tonight, I started cleaning up gmail and facebook and I began looking through my friends list. I started deleting everyone I hadn't spoken to in a year. All total ~190 people. This girl was one of the casualties. However, I stopped to look at her page before I deleted her. I was just curious what she might be up to these days. Probably ruining some man's life with her words of encouragement. Maybe she had taken up gardening and was waiting on a big crop of onions this year. I simply couldn't help myself. I had to take a peak. What I found, I can hardly describe.

She and her friend Jena (who called me) have started a blog. A blog about shoes, clothes, sex, chocolate, Brangelia, and bad dates. This is where I come in...I clicked the link on her page to go straight to it. Turns out, she started the blog one week after we had dinner and I had dessert. She gives a brief description of the title and in it she says the following:


History: Jessi had a classic bad date. Situation wasn’t good. Guy wasn’t good. She looked fabulous and he wasn’t drunk, but that’s where the good ends. He wore man jewelry and argyle socks. She decides to chalk the whole thing up to nerves, and convinces herself that the phone conversations, emails and texts were too much fun to throw away. She waits to hear from him…

…and waits…

Nothing. Silence. You’d have thought he moved to Bosnia.

Jena, in fury, exclaims, “Gah, I wish his name rhymed with a dirty word. Like Bouche! Bouche the Douche!”

And there, born out of hatred, was the future name of our blog baby.

All this to say, I have driven two women to hate me. They feel compelled to write on the internet for no one to read all about every bad experience they have ever had with a man. I did this. I pushed them to brink. I'm responsible.
After first I was hurt, then angry, then I started laughing. I laughed so much that I wanted to share it with you all. I hope you enjoy this experience as much as I have.

(For the record, my socks were striped not argyle and I guess she hates telling time because the only man jewelry I wore was a watch. I left my customary pinky ring and anklet at home)