1. Yesterday morning I went to Panera. For some reason, I think they have the best iced tea ever. Anyway, this was at about 7:30 a.m. - and the girl in front of me ordered a Caesar salad. I kid you not. It made me physically ill.
2. I got an email from my mom today with the subject heading "God loves drunk people, too." Granted, it was a forward...but I would expect something like that from a college buddy or a co-worker. Not my mother.
3. American Idol ends tonight (go Lee!), just in time for the Bachelorette's newest season. The amount of time I spend watching mindless television is just sad.
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Thursday, May 20, 2010
people are crazy
God is great.
Beer is good.
And people are crazy.
Beer is good.
And people are crazy.
Billy Currington nailed it.
A few months back, I saw for myself that some people really are insane. Even total strangers. And you don't even have to talk to them or meet them. They can still reveal themselves anonymously. Case in point, my story below.
Fact: no one can ever, ever read my handwriting. And I'll go ahead and admit that it is pretty wretched. My penmanship is received with a tilt of the head, a look of confusion, and a "What the hell does that say?" Generally the reactions are light hearted & friendly.
Until one day when I received this returned letter in the mail at work.
Folks I am not making this up. You read it with your own two eyes. Even the part about using a typewriter. Hello 1983.
My hand-addressed envelope must have made its way to someone who was having a terrible, horrible, no good very bad day. Or a heinous witch.
I really wanted to respond by saying that I would gladly enroll in a handwriting course as soon as they enroll in an anger management class.
Instead, I just placed the envelope on my shelf in my office for a good laugh on a rainy day like today. And to remind myself that people really are...CRAZY.
Friday, May 14, 2010
a new low
Too often my inbox receives emails that are just too funny not to share. The following would be one of them. I've known Houston Estes for forever and saying he is funny is a understatement. He is downright hysterical. I got permission to share the following email that he sent me a few weeks ago...even if you don't know him, I think you'll enjoy this bit of hilarity.
Just a few moments ago, I suffered a tough blow to my ego.
Many/most of your know about a recent very bad date I had. Basically, it was the worst experience of my life. I picked her up at her house. She lived in a double-wide. She met me at the front door and wouldn't let me come in because "the place is a mess". We went to eat dinner - all alone. Literally. We were the only two people in the restaurant at 7:30. I ordered a filet and a house salad. The salad came dressed with red-onions. The mere fact that I would allow a red onion on my plate sent this young lady into a frenzy. She did nothing but tell me how gross she finds red onion to be. Following dinner, I thought to myself, "Let's start all over with dessert/coffee/whatever". We drive around for 30 minutes in her tiny little town and everything but Sonic is closed. We pull up and I order. I ask her what she wants - she says, "nothing, I'm fine." I get mine to go. I dropped her off and drove back home with tears in my eyes.
Well, several weeks ago, I received a call from her best friend. I didn't know the number but I answered anyway. The friend asks me why I never called this girl for a second date. She promised not to tell her if I gave the real reason. Yeah right. I came up with a nice way of saying, "thanks, but no thanks". Never heard from either again.
Tonight, I started cleaning up gmail and facebook and I began looking through my friends list. I started deleting everyone I hadn't spoken to in a year. All total ~190 people. This girl was one of the casualties. However, I stopped to look at her page before I deleted her. I was just curious what she might be up to these days. Probably ruining some man's life with her words of encouragement. Maybe she had taken up gardening and was waiting on a big crop of onions this year. I simply couldn't help myself. I had to take a peak. What I found, I can hardly describe.
She and her friend Jena (who called me) have started a blog. A blog about shoes, clothes, sex, chocolate, Brangelia, and bad dates. This is where I come in...I clicked the link on her page to go straight to it. Turns out, she started the blog one week after we had dinner and I had dessert. She gives a brief description of the title and in it she says the following:
History: Jessi had a classic bad date. Situation wasn’t good. Guy wasn’t good. She looked fabulous and he wasn’t drunk, but that’s where the good ends. He wore man jewelry and argyle socks. She decides to chalk the whole thing up to nerves, and convinces herself that the phone conversations, emails and texts were too much fun to throw away. She waits to hear from him…
…and waits…
Nothing. Silence. You’d have thought he moved to Bosnia.
Jena, in fury, exclaims, “Gah, I wish his name rhymed with a dirty word. Like Bouche! Bouche the Douche!”
And there, born out of hatred, was the future name of our blog baby.
All this to say, I have driven two women to hate me. They feel compelled to write on the internet for no one to read all about every bad experience they have ever had with a man. I did this. I pushed them to brink. I'm responsible.
After first I was hurt, then angry, then I started laughing. I laughed so much that I wanted to share it with you all. I hope you enjoy this experience as much as I have.
(For the record, my socks were striped not argyle and I guess she hates telling time because the only man jewelry I wore was a watch. I left my customary pinky ring and anklet at home)
Just a few moments ago, I suffered a tough blow to my ego.
Many/most of your know about a recent very bad date I had. Basically, it was the worst experience of my life. I picked her up at her house. She lived in a double-wide. She met me at the front door and wouldn't let me come in because "the place is a mess". We went to eat dinner - all alone. Literally. We were the only two people in the restaurant at 7:30. I ordered a filet and a house salad. The salad came dressed with red-onions. The mere fact that I would allow a red onion on my plate sent this young lady into a frenzy. She did nothing but tell me how gross she finds red onion to be. Following dinner, I thought to myself, "Let's start all over with dessert/coffee/whatever". We drive around for 30 minutes in her tiny little town and everything but Sonic is closed. We pull up and I order. I ask her what she wants - she says, "nothing, I'm fine." I get mine to go. I dropped her off and drove back home with tears in my eyes.
Well, several weeks ago, I received a call from her best friend. I didn't know the number but I answered anyway. The friend asks me why I never called this girl for a second date. She promised not to tell her if I gave the real reason. Yeah right. I came up with a nice way of saying, "thanks, but no thanks". Never heard from either again.
Tonight, I started cleaning up gmail and facebook and I began looking through my friends list. I started deleting everyone I hadn't spoken to in a year. All total ~190 people. This girl was one of the casualties. However, I stopped to look at her page before I deleted her. I was just curious what she might be up to these days. Probably ruining some man's life with her words of encouragement. Maybe she had taken up gardening and was waiting on a big crop of onions this year. I simply couldn't help myself. I had to take a peak. What I found, I can hardly describe.
She and her friend Jena (who called me) have started a blog. A blog about shoes, clothes, sex, chocolate, Brangelia, and bad dates. This is where I come in...I clicked the link on her page to go straight to it. Turns out, she started the blog one week after we had dinner and I had dessert. She gives a brief description of the title and in it she says the following:
History: Jessi had a classic bad date. Situation wasn’t good. Guy wasn’t good. She looked fabulous and he wasn’t drunk, but that’s where the good ends. He wore man jewelry and argyle socks. She decides to chalk the whole thing up to nerves, and convinces herself that the phone conversations, emails and texts were too much fun to throw away. She waits to hear from him…
…and waits…
Nothing. Silence. You’d have thought he moved to Bosnia.
Jena, in fury, exclaims, “Gah, I wish his name rhymed with a dirty word. Like Bouche! Bouche the Douche!”
And there, born out of hatred, was the future name of our blog baby.
All this to say, I have driven two women to hate me. They feel compelled to write on the internet for no one to read all about every bad experience they have ever had with a man. I did this. I pushed them to brink. I'm responsible.
After first I was hurt, then angry, then I started laughing. I laughed so much that I wanted to share it with you all. I hope you enjoy this experience as much as I have.
(For the record, my socks were striped not argyle and I guess she hates telling time because the only man jewelry I wore was a watch. I left my customary pinky ring and anklet at home)
Thursday, May 13, 2010
for Nashville eyes only
Everyone knows how much I love cold weather and the winter time, but there are still a few summer traditions that I really enjoy. Enter Movies in the Park. The movies are shown for free every Wednesday in June at Centennial. All sorts of local food vendors come out to sell their food and drinks. It really is a blast...unless tornado sirens go off and it is cancelled, which happened last year during a showing of one of my all-time favorites, Mean Girls.
"Miss Smith, why would Regina refer to herself as a...fugly slut?"
Sorry, I had to. I digress.
Here is the schedule for summer 2010, brought to you by my dear friend Carla who works at the Nashville Scene (the event sponsor).
June 2- Where the Wild Things Are
June 9- The Sandlot
June 16- Legally Blonde
June 23- The Blind Side
June 30- Wizard of Oz
"Miss Smith, why would Regina refer to herself as a...fugly slut?"
Sorry, I had to. I digress.
Here is the schedule for summer 2010, brought to you by my dear friend Carla who works at the Nashville Scene (the event sponsor).
June 2- Where the Wild Things Are
June 9- The Sandlot
June 16- Legally Blonde
June 23- The Blind Side
June 30- Wizard of Oz
Monday, May 10, 2010
rapid rewards
I am a huge fan of stores and programs that offer reward cards. From flights to food, you can find every card imaginable in my wallet. Even though I'm most likely only saving around thirty cents, there is some kind of satisfaction that comes with scanning that card and seeing how much you save. It's the little things, people.
But nothing, I mean nothing was a rewarding as what I was able to participate in this past Saturday.
As the Music City rebuilds after the literal disaster that was last weekend, all sorts of volunteer opportunities became available.
My friend and I, along with a bus full of 48 others, ventured out to Bellevue for the day. Not only is Bellevue a 10-minute drive from where I grew up, it is also one of the areas that was totally and completely destroyed by the flood waters off the near by Harpeth River.
As we pulled up to the cul-da-sac of condominiums where we would be working, the atmosphere on the bus went form upbeat and chatty to complete silence. My heart literally fell to my stomach.
There is no way I can write or speak of what my eyes saw. There is no news story, Facebook album or You Tube video that can give you the image of a neighborhood where each resident literally lost everything. The manicured entrance to the neighborhood now gave way refrigerators stacked on mattresses stacked couches; cookbooks and pots and pans were strewn throughout piles of bedding and clothing. I took no pictures as to respect the emotions of the victims; but, it was, in a word, heartbreaking.
I shook the emotions of and put the work gloves on. We spent the day at a lady's condo. I assumed that she lived alone, and was probably around 60 years old. The only thing left of her home was the wooden frame work, save for a few untouched light fixtures hanging from the ceiling. We knocked out her drywall...some of which was so soaked with water, it crumbled in our bare hands. We swept glass from her back door that shattered from water pressure. Finally, we helped a contractor pull duct work from underneath the condo units...at times, it took up to four of us to carry the saturated insulation to be hauled away. We were covered in filthy, muddy flood water.
And yet in the midst of having total strangers completely demolish her home, I couldn't help but be totally in awe of this lady's spirit. She was so sweet, soft-spoken and grateful when she had every right to be removed, devastated and broken. Her whole life was laying in a huge pile up the hill, waiting to be carried away to a landfill. And yet she always had a smile on her face.
I went in to this whole experience wanting to give what little I could to help those in need. Yet, selfishly, I left the one who was the most rewarded. I was rewarded by the kindness of complete strangers in my work group who drove four hours to Nashville to volunteer. I was rewarded by the can-do attitude of neighbors helping neighbors, dropping off sack lunches for volunteers and clean clothing for those without. And I was rewarded by the resilience of the victims we served, whose attitude never reflected the devastation they have been through in the past seven days.
The road to recovery is and will be a long one; my heart is still hurting from what happened to my city. But the sense of pride and community bestowed by this town will take us far.
P.S. The night before, we received an email from the head organization asking volunteers to wear any sort of red t-shirt. I have approximately 373 t-shirts, and not one red one. So I was known as awkward girl in the gray shirt. It made for a fun game of Where's Waldo. Fitting?!?
But nothing, I mean nothing was a rewarding as what I was able to participate in this past Saturday.
As the Music City rebuilds after the literal disaster that was last weekend, all sorts of volunteer opportunities became available.
My friend and I, along with a bus full of 48 others, ventured out to Bellevue for the day. Not only is Bellevue a 10-minute drive from where I grew up, it is also one of the areas that was totally and completely destroyed by the flood waters off the near by Harpeth River.
As we pulled up to the cul-da-sac of condominiums where we would be working, the atmosphere on the bus went form upbeat and chatty to complete silence. My heart literally fell to my stomach.
There is no way I can write or speak of what my eyes saw. There is no news story, Facebook album or You Tube video that can give you the image of a neighborhood where each resident literally lost everything. The manicured entrance to the neighborhood now gave way refrigerators stacked on mattresses stacked couches; cookbooks and pots and pans were strewn throughout piles of bedding and clothing. I took no pictures as to respect the emotions of the victims; but, it was, in a word, heartbreaking.
I shook the emotions of and put the work gloves on. We spent the day at a lady's condo. I assumed that she lived alone, and was probably around 60 years old. The only thing left of her home was the wooden frame work, save for a few untouched light fixtures hanging from the ceiling. We knocked out her drywall...some of which was so soaked with water, it crumbled in our bare hands. We swept glass from her back door that shattered from water pressure. Finally, we helped a contractor pull duct work from underneath the condo units...at times, it took up to four of us to carry the saturated insulation to be hauled away. We were covered in filthy, muddy flood water.
And yet in the midst of having total strangers completely demolish her home, I couldn't help but be totally in awe of this lady's spirit. She was so sweet, soft-spoken and grateful when she had every right to be removed, devastated and broken. Her whole life was laying in a huge pile up the hill, waiting to be carried away to a landfill. And yet she always had a smile on her face.
I went in to this whole experience wanting to give what little I could to help those in need. Yet, selfishly, I left the one who was the most rewarded. I was rewarded by the kindness of complete strangers in my work group who drove four hours to Nashville to volunteer. I was rewarded by the can-do attitude of neighbors helping neighbors, dropping off sack lunches for volunteers and clean clothing for those without. And I was rewarded by the resilience of the victims we served, whose attitude never reflected the devastation they have been through in the past seven days.
The road to recovery is and will be a long one; my heart is still hurting from what happened to my city. But the sense of pride and community bestowed by this town will take us far.
P.S. The night before, we received an email from the head organization asking volunteers to wear any sort of red t-shirt. I have approximately 373 t-shirts, and not one red one. So I was known as awkward girl in the gray shirt. It made for a fun game of Where's Waldo. Fitting?!?
Monday, May 3, 2010
the best $20 i ever spent
I had been wanting a pair of rain boots for a while. I thought they would be pretty practical for those occasional rainy days, and maybe even a snow day or too. I knew I didn't want to pay much for them so I found some cheapies at, where else, Target.
Well after this weekend, they really have proven their worth!
I have lived in this city my whole life, and I have never, ever seen anything like this before. That seems to be the case for most people here. Mother nature is truly an amazing force. I can't get some of the images I've seen on t.v. off of my mind, and my prayers go out to those that have literally lost everything. While some of my child-hood memories, pictures and belonging and soaking wet from basement flooding, that is nothing compared to the loss that other's have experienced.
I love my city!
...and my rainboots :)
Well after this weekend, they really have proven their worth!
I have lived in this city my whole life, and I have never, ever seen anything like this before. That seems to be the case for most people here. Mother nature is truly an amazing force. I can't get some of the images I've seen on t.v. off of my mind, and my prayers go out to those that have literally lost everything. While some of my child-hood memories, pictures and belonging and soaking wet from basement flooding, that is nothing compared to the loss that other's have experienced.
I love my city!
...and my rainboots :)
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